Discussion

How do you think it feels to be Queenie? 
It seems like Queenie feels alone, scared and sad. That’s how I felt as a kid growing up in an abusive and neglectful home, as well as feeling like an outcast at school. I also felt worthless and unlovable and wished I could be invisible so that no one could hurt me.

What is depression?
Depression is a mental illness (or sickness in the brain) that can make someone feel really down. It’s like being sad but there is often no reason for it and it lasts a lot longer. It can also make someone feel tired, like they have no energy to do things, alone or bad about themselves (like they are not good). My mom, who had depression like Queenie’s mom, would lay on the couch for hours watching television. I didn’t know it as a kid but as an adult I can see that it wasn’t her fault. Her brain was sick and she needed help too.

Why does Queenie tell herself in the mirror that she is worthless, stupid and unlovable? Is it true?
The monster’s abusive behavior leads Queenie to start thinking she is those things.
No, they are all lies that the monster tells her.

What makes someone lovable?
Everyone is worthy of love. I didn’t know that growing up because I thought I had to be perfect to be loved but that’s just not true. Like Fred Rogers said, I believe every child should know they are worthy of love just the way they are.

Why does Queenie blame herself when the monster hurts her?
The monster tells her it’s her fault so she believes it. I’ve found that most kids, including me, blame themselves when adults are hurting us and no, it’s not true at all.

What do you think Queenie felt when she saw the monster hurting her mom?
She looks scared. She probably also felt sad and helpless. That’s how I felt as a kid when my dad hurt my mom…scared, sad, helpless and sometimes angry.

Why does Queenie try so hard to be perfect?
She is trying to keep the monster from getting angry and hurting her. That’s how it was for me growing up…I tried to do everything perfectly so that my dad wouldn’t have a reason to get mad. Now as an adult I can see that it wasn’t my fault that he was sick and suffering in ways that should have led him to get help but he didn’t get help or help himself and that’s why he took it out on my mom and I.

Why does Queenie put on a mask?
She is hoping the monster won’t see her as bad. Also, because the monster gets angry any time she shows emotions, she decides she needs to hide her feelings and no one should have to hide their feelings.

Why did King feel sad and alone?
We don’t know. Maybe he has a monster at home or lost someone he loves or is being bullied or somehow different. Hopefully we will get to hear King’s story in the future!

Why did Queenie take her mask off with King?
She was able to relate to King because she saw he was suffering like she was and that gave her the courage to want to help him. So she took her mask off and that helped them both to feel safe.

What are emotions and where do we see them in the story?
Joy, sadness, anger and fear are the four main emotions. We see Queenie sad and crying in the beginning and later we see King sad and crying. We see the monster angry when he yells at and hurts Queenie and her mom. Queenie is afraid when she is hiding in the closet, when she talks to her mom on the couch and when she sees her mom being hit. Both Queenie and King seem happy (or feel joy) when they finally find a friend in each other.

How can we express our emotions safely? Why is it important to do so?
There are many ways we can express our emotions safely. When I’m sad I can cry or tell a trusted friend why I’m sad and ask them for a hug. When I’m angry I can scream into my pillow or punch it, dance to let my body express the emotion, or write down how I’m feeling. When I’m scared I can give myself a hug, tell a trusted friend or adult why I’m scared or take deep breaths. It’s important to express emotions because when we express them, we set them free. When we are silent and hold them in, they build up and make us feel badly inside.

Why didn’t Queenie tell an adult?
There are many reasons Queenie may not have told an adult. For me, I didn’t tell an adult because I didn’t realize it was not normal. That’s why I wrote this book—to tell you that abusive behavior is not normal. There is no excuse for abuse or neglect, no matter what a child does or doesn’t do.

How can kids like Queenie get help in real life?
There isn’t just one answer. Queenie could tell a trusted adult, like a teacher or school counselor, about what’s happening at home and together they could come up with a plan of what to do. I’m hoping this book will also help you to know that, if you have been abused, bullied or neglected, you are not alone. It is estimated that about 1 in 4 kids experience abuse and/or neglect, so that means each classroom may have 8 or more of us. Also, I hope this book will help spark conversations about how kids and adults can get help that is readily available and lasting, placing the needs of every child as our top priority. 

What can WE do to let kids who are being hurt know they are not alone?
Be kind, listen and play. Most kids who are being hurt at home will do their best to hide it. I know I did. I wanted to seem “normal” but deep down I felt sad, scared and alone. When other kids asked me to play or let me know I could feel safe telling them how I felt, it helped a lot. Sometimes we can feel uncomfortable when we see others become emotional but the best thing we can do is to let them know we are listening, that we care and that it’s okay to feel the way we feel. I believe that being a kind, trustworthy friend is the best thing we can do to help each other. And it’s often the quiet or “weird” or angry ones who really need a friend. 

How can we become our own best friend? Why is this so important?
Growing up I didn’t know I could become my own best friend. Now I’ve learned that it’s the most important thing I can do for myself and the world because I will always feel loved, accepted and protected. I think about how I would treat a best friend and try to do that for myself. For example, a best friend listens without judgment, is compassionate, kind, playful and has my back.

How can we know if an adult is safe and trustworthy?
A trusted adult may be a parent or other relative, teacher, school counselor or other community leader. To find out if an adult is safe and trustworthy, make a list of adults you know that are respectful, nonjudgmental, really listen when you have a problem and are willing to help. Link to article here. 

Related TOPICS and DEFINITIONS to explore: (Click on the word for a link to more detailed information)

Abuse is treating someone cruelly or violently. The most common types of abuse kids experience are physical, verbal or mental, emotional and sexual. 

Neglect is when a parent fails to provide enough emotional, physical or financial support for their child.

Trauma is an emotional shock that has a deep effect on one’s life for a long time. It occurs when an intense event that is scary, violent, threatens or causes harm to a child’s emotional and/or physical well-being happens or is witnessed. 

ACE Study is a scientific study that shows the link between childhood maltreatment and health and well-being later in life.

Mental illness is a sickness in the brain that causes the person to have a hard time controlling certain feelings, moods, thoughts or actions. Common examples are depression and anxiety.                      

PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder) is a mental health condition that can affect kids who have experienced something very upsetting (a trauma). They have extreme anxiety that causes issues like trouble sleeping, being easily annoyed, or feeling detached from others. The categories of PTSD symptoms are re-experiencing (flashbacks or nightmares), avoidance (staying away from anything that is a reminder of the event), hyperarousal (being easily startled, constantly on guard or irritable) and negative changes in thinking and mood (memory problems, depression, anxiety, isolation or dissociation).

CPTSD (Complex Post-traumatic stress disorder), also a mental health condition, is caused by multiple traumas (like abuse or neglect) over a long period of time (months or years). The most common cause of CPTSD is ongoing child abuse and/or neglect. Because the trauma often occurs during the developmental period, a child’s brain and sense of self are affected. Common symptoms of CPTSD are those of PTSD plus: Emotional dysregulation, impaired sense of self-worth (often feeling worthless) and difficulty with relationships.

Compassion means we care about others, treat them with kindness, and feel a strong desire to help people in need. It also means being a good friend and listening to others without judging them. 

Self-compassion is learning to extend understanding, compassion and encouragement to ourselves when we feel bad or things don’t go our way, treating ourselves the way we would a best friend.

Boundaries are limits we establish in order to protect ourselves in some way from being hurt, taken advantage of or manipulated. Learning to say “No” when we don’t want to do something, when someone is invading our space or we just feel uncomfortable is one of the most important things we can do to care for and protect ourselves. 

Mindfulness is paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and body sensations in the present moment and accepting them with kindness, without judgment. When we are aware of how we feel we can then do something to be kind to ourselves like give ourselves a hug if we are feeling sad or alone, or take a deep breath or go for a walk if we are feeling anxious. 

Active listening is trying really hard to give the person talking all of our attention, without distractions, so we can fully understand not just the words they say but what they really mean. It’s one of the kindest things we can do for others. 

Self-care is things we can do or ways we can take care of ourselves to make sure our minds and bodies are healthy. Physical self-care includes eating healthy foods, exercising, hygiene and drinking plenty of water. Examples of emotional self-care are journaling, talking to a friend about how we are feeling or spending time in nature.

Triggers are something we see, hear, smell or think that cause us to explode with emotions like fear, anger or sadness. When a trigger is related to a past trauma, our fight or flight system is activated and we may react in ways that seem irrational like by running away, shutting down or lashing out at a friend. When we are aware of being triggered we can do something to help manage it. Telling a trusted adult or friend how we feel, closing our eyes and taking deep breaths, or going for a walk are a few examples.      

Coping Skills  are tools that can help us when we feel big emotions like anger, fear and sadness. Healthy coping skills are things like deep breathing, taking a break, talking to a trusted friend, moving our bodies (like going for a walk, doing jumping jacks or dancing), listening to music, making art (drawing, painting or writing), taking a nap or giving ourselves a hug.